Sometimes, I Miss Me...

The Clomid is kicking my tush this month! I'm sure my husband could tell you differently (he wouldn't - but probably could), but this is the first month I've felt that the medication is make me, um, "short fused". Seriously, everything has set me off. Of course I think I'm being perfectly rational that I became irritated Mike opened 3 sodas in one day. Alright, I literally LOL'd at that one.  Glad that's over - took my last dose of the cycle last night.

But anyway - the hormones are in full swing this month. I was having a particularly reflective day yesterday and came across an infertility support blog/page called missconception.com. A few posts really spoke to me, but nothing compares to this. 

Sometimes, I Miss Me 

I don't always feel like the same old girl who was carefree, spontaneous and adventurous, who you used to know. Now I often feel scared, worried and anxious. There haven't been many months that have gone by where I haven't cried because of these feelings and how desperate I am for this to all go away. I hate having to deal with infertility and I hate that you have to deal with it too. 

She is still there, a bit buried, but still there. She has never fought so hard for something in her life and is surprised sometimes of this strength. She will keep fighting because that's all she can do. She will let the support and comfort of those that love her in. She will remember it will get better. She will hold onto the hope that she sees all around her.

So, this. So so so much of this.

This reflectiveness comes in waves mind you. I'm not sitting crying all the time. Sometimes I'm stalking Pinterest for nursery ideas (hence, how my hopes get raised) and reading every little thing on child development. Ya see, I'm planning for success.  ;)

I guess I shoulda said - my initial ultrasound of this cycle looked fine last week and we're in full swing of attempt #3. Oops... way to bury the lead.  Anyway, day 8 now - Follistim injection tomorrow and Dr. Mottla doubled my dosage this month. This should increase the number and quality of ideal sized follicles. Though hopefully, not too many... Shady Grove's goal is ONE healthy baby. Especially "at our age". (And yeah, how odd is it to say those words... I swear I just graduated college.)

Next monitoring appointment set for Sunday to check said follicle count - and hopefully IUI #3 Tuesday or Wednesday.

Till then...

Day 9 | Injection Day!

This day came up faster than I wanted! ;)

At the beginning of this process, I was not a fan of needles. Ok, still not, though I'm a pro at giving blood at this point.  But there's something that feels very wrong about stabbing yourself with a needle, LOL.

That said, as expected, the anticipation was much, much worse than the prick. All done for the day and now we move on...

Wednesday (Day 11) will be my follow-up bloodwork and ultrasound, where they'll take a look at how the clomid and the Follistim "worked". Hopefully everything is on track and we'll be having our first IUI treatment by the end of the week!

It's crazy to me how "up in the air" everything is until it's "go time". I mean, I definitely get it. There's so many "what if" factors - but it's just nuts to have all the contingency plans.

So, good thoughts people. Only good thoughts this week. :)

On a side note: this process became very, very real after giving myself an injection. Not that the plethora of tests and Rx wasn't real - but I have to tell you, I woulda give myself a needle for any other reason!