Do you KNOW how hard it is to not share news like this?!
First off, telling Mike about our positive test Wednesday night was the most beautiful thing I have ever done. (I wrapped up those "baby" goldfish crackers - which sounds silly, but the real ones are his favorite snack to have on hand so it was personal to us - plus, it's not like it was a surprise that I had news.
Friday morning, I had Beta #2. Numbers should double - or at least increase by 60%, per SG. I went in so cockey. 265 is a fantastic starting number and though I knew I was a few tests away, my confidence was soaring.
Ann called that afternoon with a test result number of 300. Only a13% increase. She said it was looking like the pregnancy was ectopic. My heart fell into my stomach and it hasn't moved since then. After work, I napped/cried - where Reagan literally laid next to me in the bed licking away my tears for 2 hours. God bless him.
I am beside myself. This is WORSE than a plain ol' negative. There was so much hope, and with good reason. Now we're just in limbo.
As I've said, nothing is by one test. I have a 3rd beta tomorrow morning. This will be 96 hours after the last, and this way we will know one way or another. Doing the math - 60% increases every 48 hours, I should have numbers between about 1100-1200 tomorrow.
If my numbers have gone down, it will mean I'm miscarrying. If my numbers have risen, but not at a high enough number - it will display as an ectopic pregnancy (at pregnancy outside the uterus), most likely the Fallopian tube - and will need to be terminated. Trust me, the only thing worse than a negative test is an nonviable pregnancy. I am heartbroken and hurting on so many levels, I can't even explain. Tomorrow should be an interesting/emotional day. (For the record, I don't think my numbers are doing down. I am still getting a positive home pregnancy test.)
I should of course mention, there is a sliver of hope that Friday's test was a fluke and all is well. A very small sliver of hope, but it's happened. I've been talking with my support group(s), which has helped a bit. There are some success stories out there and I'm more positive thinking than I was Friday/Saturday. After all, there is still a baby in there who needs my positivity, not negativity.
(This post, written 5/15, was kept private. But I still wanted to keep a record of this time...)
Monday, May 15, 2017
Thursday, May 11, 2017
I am BURSTING...
I received that phone call... no, no, no - not that one. The one I've been waiting for... "Hi Dana, this is Ann from Dr. Mottla's office. I have some good news for you...".
Beta #1 bloodwork results (where anything over 5 is pregnant, but they say 100 is a good number) came back yesterday. 265 HCG mIU/ml.. 265! My nurse sounded very happy with that number. But of course, the important thing is that my numbers increase (by 60% according to Shady Grove) every 48 hours.
So, Beta #2 TOMORROW... and we're hoping for at least 424.
I am elated - to say the least. I am chomping at the bit to tell someone... anyone! But like I said before (and desperately trying to keep a level head), I want... no, NEED, more bloodwork before telling our parents. And subsequently, all the people who have been in my corner.
(This post, written 5/11, was kept private. But I still wanted to keep a record of this time...)
Beta #1 bloodwork results (where anything over 5 is pregnant, but they say 100 is a good number) came back yesterday. 265 HCG mIU/ml.. 265! My nurse sounded very happy with that number. But of course, the important thing is that my numbers increase (by 60% according to Shady Grove) every 48 hours.
So, Beta #2 TOMORROW... and we're hoping for at least 424.
I am elated - to say the least. I am chomping at the bit to tell someone... anyone! But like I said before (and desperately trying to keep a level head), I want... no, NEED, more bloodwork before telling our parents. And subsequently, all the people who have been in my corner.
(This post, written 5/11, was kept private. But I still wanted to keep a record of this time...)
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Beta Day
IUI day and the TWW week have come and gone. Today, I went for my Beta blood test and the most agonizing wait until the results call (between 12-3) begins.
It's been a rough 2 weeks. More than previous times, I've been in some moderate amount of discomfort. And though my googling fingers will say that it could all be an early sign of pregnancy, I'm prepared for the worst. I've never gotten that GOOD call, so it's easier to picture a negative than the overwhelming postive.
I've been thinking (stressing) a lot lately about what to tell to who and when. They down side of putting this story out there is that you all know when these tests are. But even IF there is a positive today, I will need at least 2 more blood tests to confirm viability over the course of the next week. Also, don't you think our parents should know first (and only after confirmed)? I certainly do. So, in other words - consider no news, good news and you'll know when you know. ;) (And, note, thank you for caring.)
As this cycle comes to a close, I feel oddly at peace. I thought a lot over the last two weeks and after discussing with Mike (who really just refers to me in these situations), we decided that if it is negative, we're talking this summer "off". Insurance will only allow 4 per year (which honestly, is plenty to do to a body!) and with only 3 left until April 2018 - we'd have to break at some point anyway. Now, OF COURSE I want that big fat positive (BFP). But I feel also at peace with a break to let my body (and mind) recover from a very stressful first part of this year. We've been testing and having procedures since October, so having some time to "regroup" before starting any additional necessary procedures feels like the right thing to do. Although... so does planning a nursery. ;)
Thinking happy, positive thoughts! xo
It's been a rough 2 weeks. More than previous times, I've been in some moderate amount of discomfort. And though my googling fingers will say that it could all be an early sign of pregnancy, I'm prepared for the worst. I've never gotten that GOOD call, so it's easier to picture a negative than the overwhelming postive.
I've been thinking (stressing) a lot lately about what to tell to who and when. They down side of putting this story out there is that you all know when these tests are. But even IF there is a positive today, I will need at least 2 more blood tests to confirm viability over the course of the next week. Also, don't you think our parents should know first (and only after confirmed)? I certainly do. So, in other words - consider no news, good news and you'll know when you know. ;) (And, note, thank you for caring.)
As this cycle comes to a close, I feel oddly at peace. I thought a lot over the last two weeks and after discussing with Mike (who really just refers to me in these situations), we decided that if it is negative, we're talking this summer "off". Insurance will only allow 4 per year (which honestly, is plenty to do to a body!) and with only 3 left until April 2018 - we'd have to break at some point anyway. Now, OF COURSE I want that big fat positive (BFP). But I feel also at peace with a break to let my body (and mind) recover from a very stressful first part of this year. We've been testing and having procedures since October, so having some time to "regroup" before starting any additional necessary procedures feels like the right thing to do. Although... so does planning a nursery. ;)
Thinking happy, positive thoughts! xo
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